Yes, I am so depressed that actual curses can't fully express my inner turmoil. Before we delve into this soul crushing nugget of pure unadulterated sorrow I need to give some background. If anyone who is reading this (and I wonder if that's anyone at all, and don't really care [why am i writing {or rather typing} this then...?] and what do you do when you run out of brackety... things after using "([{}])") then you'll know that I am a massive nerd, I have always and shall remain as such. That being said you can imagine that I lead a childhood filled to the brim with nerdy things, video games, anime, comic books, and.... regular... books... (harumm, that doesn't roll off of the tongue very well). In my youth I could name every final fantasy character and give character profiles off of the top of my head. I could list enough cool animes to fill up a notebook. Hell, if I used every sheet of paper I've ever read from novels and comics I could probably cover the planet. But then I went to college and spent all my time studying, reading for classes, studying, drinking beer, studying, and getting shot down by women... I mean
scoring like a madman... ahh bollocks, who am I kidding. I hadn't the time or the money to indulge in my geekieness so aside from horror movie friday with my friends I was fairly removed from all of the aforementioned geek stuff. After college I never dived back in because I was busy working, and paying bills, and trying to get sleep, and all other kinds of unfun but responsible and necessary things.
Background being done lets talk about why I may slit my wrists with a +10 rusty letter opener of crushing despair. I was feeling nostalgic and had some free time so I rented the new Final Fantasy and couldn't help but notice how much it sucked. Well, I took it back and tried to forget ever playing it. I then tried to check out if there is any good anime being made and everything that had good reviews sucked harder than a machine designed to suck things in a room filled with suckable objects. I then decided to watch some good ol' classic stuff. So I went and looked up Hellsing and instead found Hellsing Ultimate... in which Alucard decided that being scary wasn't any fun and became bishonen and then the story decided to get convoluted and messy... and then I stopped watching and was a very sad little man... And then I started wondering, was any of that stuff any good in the first place? Was anime really any good? Was Final Fantasy VII the masterpiece that I vehemently defended it as? Did Evangelion really blow hot sweaty donkey dong? Was gundam really stupid? The answer I came to was possibly. It's either that or anime and videogames all of a sudden inexplicably started being rubbish. With that in mind I went back abd looked at a lot of the things I loved when I was younger and found that it was a combination of the two possibilities. It turns out that some of the older anime's and games that I played and watched when I was younger were still cool but were cool to me for different reasons than they used to be while a lot of new stuff is absolute rubbish.
So in taking stock of all the things I loved as a child the only things that I still seem to enjoy is as follows: Lord of the Rings, anything Stephen King, Thomas Harris novels, BioWare games, some SNES RPG's, Cowboy Bebop, Dragon Ball (not in a man this is cool kinda way but more in a nostalgic, comical "holy crap I can't believe I thought something this goofy was badass!" kinda way), Watchmen, and a few other more obscure things. The impossible has happened, I've lost respect for myself(well not myself now but myself then which is still myself but a different myself than is actually myself) and that does not bode well for the universe. The existence of.... existence hinges solely on the health of my bloated ego... if this keeps up we may end up floating in nothingness (will it be black or white or will there somehow be no perceiveable color or lack thereof) wondering how we're still breathing if air disappeared with the rest of existence.
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As an aside I have some questions that are rattling around in my head about terible anime that everyone seems to love:
- Naruto
- Why in the name of everloving hell does
the "ninja" main character wear an
orange jumpsuit
- Is it just me or are the "ninjas" more
more like retarded versions of jedi
than stealthy assassins
- Why does the writer feel the need for
exposition in the form of flashbacks
and goofy monologues mid fight rather
than before or after or just have the
story organically incorporated rather
than being hamhandedly bludgeoned into
us?
- Bleach
- Why do all anime characters have to be
high/middle school aged? There is no
way I'll ever believe that a high school
student is competent enough to do the
shite anime characters can do
- I read information about the series and
it seems that I would need several pages
simply list all of the characters let
alone describe them. That doesn't make
for a good show just lots of loose ends
that will never be tied or a bunch of
goofy pointless characters, sometimes
less is more
- Why does everyone dress like a moron?
- Why is the main character so angsty?
If I had superpowers I'd be happy as
shit, it'd be hella-awesome. I'd run
around doing awesome shit and yelling
holy shit I rock out loud!!!
- Same thing that made Dragon Ball Z suck
characters have "power levels" that result
in new villains needing to be stronger
than the main character and him eventually
getting stronger than said villain
resulting in characters who could destroy
the universe by breaking wind (you can have
a challenge for a character without "power
levels" by having a more skilled fighter or
simply one who knows how to exploit weaknesses
or manipulate things outside of combat)
- Death Note
- If I had a magic killer notebook then I'd
not waste my time trying to make a utopia
I'd just have some "fun"
- Why in the hell is everyone so obsessed
with the main character? he's lame, evil
and not in an affable or funny way, and
his "ingenious" plots hinge on so many
uncontrollable variables that they
should never work
- Why is everyone so damn gothy?
- Why do they try so hard to make characters
look badass while writing in a notebook?
It clearly doesn't work.
I could keep going but I'm bored now.