Well my non-existent readerbase I'm back so you can collectively stop weeping. I know, life must have been hard but all none of you managed to go on without me... somehow. My ego aside I've been working a summer job to help pay off my college loans in a well known retail chain that shall not be named. Now we all know that I despise the lion's share of my fellow man on a personal level, as such you can only begin to imagine the sheer volume of bile and vitriol that I choke on on a daily basis. That being said, I feel the best way to deal with all my unbridled ill-will is to channel it into some dark humor on the interwebs for your reading displeasure.
That said lets jump into the meaty core of the issue. I have to work with other people, both co-workers and customers, who say, do, behave, and look all kinds of irritating things/ways/whatever/pie. Some of which I find humorous in a condescending kind of way and others nearly cause an aneurysm. Every now and again after a particularly awesome/atrocious nugget pops up I'll chronicle it here. No I've been working there for a few weeks so I have a backlog to clear up before I can give new stuff.
Now, for a starter story we're gonna cover a character I'll refer to as loud bossy girl/terrible mother/please shut up now this individual wound up with a bun in the oven and had to drop out of school. No big deal, I try not to judge but usually fail. Now said woman has a daughter, no babydaddy around to help and an unsupportive family. I tried being sympathetic and nice, really I did, why don't you believe me, go to hell, no really I mean it I tried to be nice. Anyhoo, the more I learned the less I was able to feel any sympathy, i.e. she stated that her babydaddy once threatened to throw the baby out the door because it soiled its diaper. Now, I highly doubt some one can go from dapper gentleman to total douche in that short a time so babydaddy was likely as douchy before he was babydaddy. That said, why would you allow someone made of douchonium to sire your child? Then, upon more involuntary intelligence gathering I discovered that loud bossy girl's grandparents want to take her child. Terrible right? Not really, loud bossy girl is constantly going out getting drunk and doing drugs and hitting on guys almost as douchy as babdaddy was. That actually sounds like responsible and caring grandparents. So, anyway, point is I have trouble feeling sorry for people who cause their own problems. I'm not gonna be sad for someone who burns himself on a hot pan trying to move it without potholders for example.
Anyhow, loud bossy girl got her name by being loud and bossy. I know, witty, right? Anyhoo, loud bossy girl is a temporary hire and she wants her temporariness to become long-terminess and what not. Her way of showing people how good an employee she is is by yelling at everyone and being really bossy to people who she has no right to be bossing around. In a rare moment of compassion I informed her that perhaps being loud and annoying would be an impediment to her future employment. Rather than acknowledging my wisdom or dismissing it she rather tried to justify her logic behind her theory of being annoying and unlikeable in order to ensure continued employment. I'm not going into details but it made me wish I was at least temporarily stricken deaf so I didn't have to hear it...
Anyhoo, more to come, they'll likely be less depressing and more funny.
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