Give me a sofa or give me death!

Okay, first post, lets get dangerous.

Now, I'm a fairly sociable person. If I find myself with a group of people I tend to strike up a conversation for the sheer purpose of staving of boredom. However, there are times when I find myself (twice in a row now I've typed myslef and I'm about to break my own fingers to improve my typing) having an unwanted conversation with a bloody loon. Once in said situation it's usually easy to extricate myself. I make some bullshit excuse about leaving my baby in the oven or needing to change the turkey's diaper or having a herpes outbreak and then excusing myself. However, it's not always so simple. Sometimes said loon is a co-worker and happens to have the same lunch break as me...

Now that the setup is over lets get to the meat of the story. I have a job. Now that you've finished applauding me lets move on. Like most of the other employed saps in the world I take a lunch break. During said lunch break I retire to the break room so I can sit in a comfortable chair. Until recently I was able to eat my lunch alone as my coworkers must have had some secret hideaway that I'm to cool to be invited to (because my awesomeness would make them feel inadequate). That was great for me, I enjoy a little peace and quiet away from dullards rambling about reality T.V. and how the world is going to end in 2012. Recently, however, my sanctum has been breached. I now have an unwanted lunch buddy who not only is a moron but won’t leave me alone. Furthermore, he inexplicably assumes that I am in agreement with him.

Over the past few days I've been presented with quite a few aneurysm inducing nuggets of idiocy. here are some examples:

"The only reason I don't support prayer in schools is that if Christians can pray then so can everyone else."

"Every one of our founding fathers were devout Christians and it's because we're losing our faith in Jesus that the world's in the mess it's in. Society can't function without a higher power and that's not Buddha, Mohammed, or any of that nonsense, it's JESUS CHRIST."

"The only way to fix our country is to get rid of welfare completely. If you can't afford food and medicine I'm sorry but it's not my problem."

"The bible says 'The poor will always be with you...'" (this was said as an excuse for not supporting health care and welfare despite the bible saying to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, etc.)

There are more but I'm worried that if I type anymore of it up my brain will start leaking out of my anus.

Now first of all, this really bothers me because I am an atheist. I don't mind talking about religion but this guy is assuming I'm a fundamentocrazypsychofascist and talking to me like he expects me to be shouting "preach the truth!" during his tirades. His political views are even worse: uninformed, uninspired, and ignorant at best and direct ripoffs of Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck at worst (at least he came up with the other stuff on his own, as erroneous as it may have been). The example given above about completely getting rid of welfare and letting poor people die off isn't even throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's throwing the bathtub out the window and into a trash compactor with the baby and the bathwater still inside then catching your house on fire while running around in circles screaming gibberish. Really, I'm one of the first people to bring up that the welfare system is broken but rather than spouting off nonsense I try to think of ways to fix things (which ultimately proves fruitless because congress is too busy screaming obscenities across the aisle like schoolyard hooligans to get anything done).

I know... if I can't stand the drivel why not leave like normal..? Well... I like my comfy break room chair dammit! But the price of gluteal comfort is becoming too high i say TOO HIGH! I say give me a sofa or give me death!