Pointless angry rant time. Buckle up.
Alright, now, I love coffee. Coffee is awesome. It's magical go-juice that tastes like happiness and lets me make it through a day without face-planting into the keyboard/dog/child/soup/bosom/wood chipper in front of me. However I think I may be the last human on the earth who thinks coffee should taste like coffee. French-vanilla, hazelnut, Irish cream(this one would be awesome to have in coffee shops were it not A LIE. Who doesn't like whisky in their coffee), maple, mocha, and all that other shit can go burn in hell with self-help book writers and the people who made the diet pills that give you greasy, foamy shite. But these aren't the worst of the flavors, for some reason the absolute worst are to be used as special, limited time only seasonal "treats"(if you consider them treats then you'd probably enjoy testicular warts and rickets...). These are flavors like the one that a friend of mine got the other day called pumpkin spice.
So anyhow, the other day I was going to get myself a cup of coffee at a local hole-in-the wall coffee joint that is actually reasonably priced and has good coffee. While there I ran into a friend that doesn't like coffee but loves those cups full of syrup and milk with a little bit of coffee thrown in called cappuccinos. Despite this lapse in judgment this individual is a bearable person so I decide to sit down and shoot the shit with her. While drinking my COFFEE(and by coffee i mean black with only a pinch of sugar, anything else and you might as well be drinking a cup of wank) I keep smelling something like pumpkin pie and butt. Upon commenting on this my friend told me that she was drinking a "pumpkin spice" flavored cappuccino. After giving her the lite version of this rant she tells me that I can't have an opinion on something I've never tried and I should at least taste it. Damn my slavish obedience to logic and reason because it caused me to take a sip of this Greek tragedy in a paper cup. It may have been one of the most unpleasant tasting things I've ever had, it made me lose a little faith in humanity. In fact, I'd rather drink a razor-blade and liquid clog-remover smoothie...
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