Instead of screaming like rabid howler monkeys why don't we just try SOMETHING..?

Politics are something that I'm going to try and not talk about on this page. I am by no means a political commentator and this is by no means a political site. I'm just an angry, rant-prone, omnicidal, nihilistic misanthrope. I am, however, gonna say something about politics now.

Everyone, everywhere is yelling back and forth like chimps who've recently suffered sever blunt trauma about all kinds of issues but the one that has me the most miffed at the moment is the health care debate. Personally, I think it's ridiculous that a country that touts its self as the leader of the free world and the most powerful country in the world can't provide affordable health care to anyone who wants it, but that's just me. If you disagree you are entitled to your own opinion despite how stupid it may be. That being said I am pleased that, at least, politicians agree that we need to do SOMETHING. Unfortunately that's about all they can agree on. As such we have politicians screaming like they're all getting prince alberts at a political convention. So, in other words, everything just normal. What I don't get is why we don't just try something.

What I'm talking about kiddies is pragmatism. In a nutshell, toss together a bill that looks like it might work, pass it, if it works keep it, if it doesn't pitch/gut/castrate it and try again with another bill. Keep going on in a trial and error fashion until we get something that works just right. In my opinion a good bill should have more scribbles, correction fluid, post-its, tape, and notes jotted in the corners than you'd find in a moron's rough draft for a term paper on ethics or the equally useless fields of metaphysics and watching paint dry. Just keep trying new stuff until something works instead of acting like everything's do or die. If you bollocks up a ham sandwich by putting on too much/little mustard do you stop making sandwiches or do you put less/more mustard on next time? The same bloody concept applies, just replace ham sandwich with health care and mustard with taxes/regulations/bureaucracies/abortions/etc (yes, I just successfully made a metaphor involving a deli sandwich and a political hot-button issue, be impressed).

So, in closing, instead of screaming like rabid howler monkeys why don't we just try SOMETHING..?

I'd rather drink a razor-blade and liquid clog-remover smoothie...

Pointless angry rant time. Buckle up.

Alright, now, I love coffee. Coffee is awesome. It's magical go-juice that tastes like happiness and lets me make it through a day without face-planting into the keyboard/dog/child/soup/bosom/wood chipper in front of me. However I think I may be the last human on the earth who thinks coffee should taste like coffee. French-vanilla, hazelnut, Irish cream(this one would be awesome to have in coffee shops were it not A LIE. Who doesn't like whisky in their coffee), maple, mocha, and all that other shit can go burn in hell with self-help book writers and the people who made the diet pills that give you greasy, foamy shite. But these aren't the worst of the flavors, for some reason the absolute worst are to be used as special, limited time only seasonal "treats"(if you consider them treats then you'd probably enjoy testicular warts and rickets...). These are flavors like the one that a friend of mine got the other day called pumpkin spice.

So anyhow, the other day I was going to get myself a cup of coffee at a local hole-in-the wall coffee joint that is actually reasonably priced and has good coffee. While there I ran into a friend that doesn't like coffee but loves those cups full of syrup and milk with a little bit of coffee thrown in called cappuccinos. Despite this lapse in judgment this individual is a bearable person so I decide to sit down and shoot the shit with her. While drinking my COFFEE(and by coffee i mean black with only a pinch of sugar, anything else and you might as well be drinking a cup of wank) I keep smelling something like pumpkin pie and butt. Upon commenting on this my friend told me that she was drinking a "pumpkin spice" flavored cappuccino. After giving her the lite version of this rant she tells me that I can't have an opinion on something I've never tried and I should at least taste it. Damn my slavish obedience to logic and reason because it caused me to take a sip of this Greek tragedy in a paper cup. It may have been one of the most unpleasant tasting things I've ever had, it made me lose a little faith in humanity. In fact, I'd rather drink a razor-blade and liquid clog-remover smoothie...

Give me a sofa or give me death!

Okay, first post, lets get dangerous.

Now, I'm a fairly sociable person. If I find myself with a group of people I tend to strike up a conversation for the sheer purpose of staving of boredom. However, there are times when I find myself (twice in a row now I've typed myslef and I'm about to break my own fingers to improve my typing) having an unwanted conversation with a bloody loon. Once in said situation it's usually easy to extricate myself. I make some bullshit excuse about leaving my baby in the oven or needing to change the turkey's diaper or having a herpes outbreak and then excusing myself. However, it's not always so simple. Sometimes said loon is a co-worker and happens to have the same lunch break as me...

Now that the setup is over lets get to the meat of the story. I have a job. Now that you've finished applauding me lets move on. Like most of the other employed saps in the world I take a lunch break. During said lunch break I retire to the break room so I can sit in a comfortable chair. Until recently I was able to eat my lunch alone as my coworkers must have had some secret hideaway that I'm to cool to be invited to (because my awesomeness would make them feel inadequate). That was great for me, I enjoy a little peace and quiet away from dullards rambling about reality T.V. and how the world is going to end in 2012. Recently, however, my sanctum has been breached. I now have an unwanted lunch buddy who not only is a moron but won’t leave me alone. Furthermore, he inexplicably assumes that I am in agreement with him.

Over the past few days I've been presented with quite a few aneurysm inducing nuggets of idiocy. here are some examples:

"The only reason I don't support prayer in schools is that if Christians can pray then so can everyone else."

"Every one of our founding fathers were devout Christians and it's because we're losing our faith in Jesus that the world's in the mess it's in. Society can't function without a higher power and that's not Buddha, Mohammed, or any of that nonsense, it's JESUS CHRIST."

"The only way to fix our country is to get rid of welfare completely. If you can't afford food and medicine I'm sorry but it's not my problem."

"The bible says 'The poor will always be with you...'" (this was said as an excuse for not supporting health care and welfare despite the bible saying to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, etc.)

There are more but I'm worried that if I type anymore of it up my brain will start leaking out of my anus.

Now first of all, this really bothers me because I am an atheist. I don't mind talking about religion but this guy is assuming I'm a fundamentocrazypsychofascist and talking to me like he expects me to be shouting "preach the truth!" during his tirades. His political views are even worse: uninformed, uninspired, and ignorant at best and direct ripoffs of Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck at worst (at least he came up with the other stuff on his own, as erroneous as it may have been). The example given above about completely getting rid of welfare and letting poor people die off isn't even throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's throwing the bathtub out the window and into a trash compactor with the baby and the bathwater still inside then catching your house on fire while running around in circles screaming gibberish. Really, I'm one of the first people to bring up that the welfare system is broken but rather than spouting off nonsense I try to think of ways to fix things (which ultimately proves fruitless because congress is too busy screaming obscenities across the aisle like schoolyard hooligans to get anything done).

I know... if I can't stand the drivel why not leave like normal..? Well... I like my comfy break room chair dammit! But the price of gluteal comfort is becoming too high i say TOO HIGH! I say give me a sofa or give me death!